Cruel Intentions
by High Roller Yunalesca
Summary: Something seems fishy with the man who's supposed to be taking over for Special Agent Ray. It's up to Victor and Anita to find out what that is. (This was originally an entry for the April 2017 edition of Camp NaNoWriMo.)
1. Chapter 1

The day started off pretty normally over at the U.Z.Z. base. The agents that were currently active were all bustling about and preparing for whatever mission they were about to take on while also struggling to deal with whatever life had to offer for them, significant or otherwise. For Victor Volt and Anita Knight, however, the major developments in their lives were the least of their problems. They'd been through so much over the last two years, from an intergalactic war to Anita running out on Alphonse on their wedding day and finally Victor confessing his feelings for her. Victor would never be able to forget that moment when he felt like he and Anita were alone in space. However, it would seem that U.Z.Z. looked down on fraternizing between fellow agents, so they decided it would be best to keep it a secret for the rest of their careers. (Not that Victor was doing a very good job hiding it, though.)

Anyway, once they'd gone through the usual procedures to gain access to the building, Victor and Anita sat themselves down onto their designated seats and waited patiently for the Chief to give his name of the day.

He cleared his throat and began. "We have no idea what T.H.E.M. has been up to lately. Still, whatever it is, it is most definitely a breach in security and you all know that I take security very seriously. And that is why my name is Changed Daily. Today, you may call me..." His cellphone beeped. "Oh... Dingle Hopper."

Everybody else laughed at this.

"What do you want us to do today, Dingle Hopper?" Anita couldn't help but ask.

Dingle Hopper cleared his throat and started speaking again. "Today, I want you and Victor to go over to the T.H.E.M. base and find out just what exactly they're planning. For all we know, they could be working on a new un-invent ray or plotting to steal the Secret Thing again."

"We're on it, Dingle Hopper," Victor said.

"Oh, and uh, one more thing..."

"What is it, Dingle Hopper?"

"Since we don't know what T.H.E.M. might be planning, I think it'd be best if you had back-up with you. This is just in case something goes wrong."

"Alright, got it, Dingle Hopper."

* * *

On their way to the T.H.E.M. base, Victor, Anita, and the rest of the agents couldn't help but wonder what on Earth Doctor Doctor and the rest of T.H.E.M. had in store. Whatever it was, it certainly managed to spark their curiosity enough that they felt the need to discuss it amongst themselves.

"What on Earth could they _possibly_ be doing?" Kowalski asked her co-workers.

"Maybe they're working on a giant weather machine that could devastate all of London," Victor suggested. "It'd be the ultimate evil plan."

"That sounds a bit far-fetched, don't you think?" Anita asked him. When he didn't answer, she turned to face the rest of the agents. "What do you think they might be up to?"

"I'm not entirely sure..." Ray answered. "But whatever it is, we have to stop it before it's too late."

"You're right. The plan is not what matters; _stopping_ it is what matters."

"But what if there _is_ no plan?" Kowalski asked again. "What if they just said they had one so they could catch us by surprise?"

"That does sound like something T.H.E.M. would come up with, but I'm not sure. We'll have to keep that in mind, anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

By the time the U.Z.Z. agents had finally made it to their destination, they'd been travelling by skybike at approximately 500 miles per hour for nearly two and a half hours. If they weren't absolutely certain that they were ready for T.H.E.M. before, they were confident now and they were prepared to break themselves in and get the job done. Once they'd made their ways inside, they came face to face with self-proclaimed criminal genius and T.H.E.M. leader Doctor Doctor.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Victor Volt, Anita Knight, and the backup crew..." Doctor Doctor began. "I hope you've figured out what I have in store for you..."

"You bet!" Victor yelled in response. "You're working on a weather machine that could kill us all. Well, it's not gonna work this time!"

"Ah... that's a good guess, but no. It's more devastating than that..."

One of the backup agents gulped loudly enough for the others to hear. "W-What is it then?"

"My technicians have been working on a new un-invent ray that's bigger and better than the last... and this time, I will see to it that I don't fall for that mirror trick again."

"You won't have to," Ray said now. "Because we've come here to destroy it before you can use it again."

"Oh yeah?" Doctor Doctor pulled out a ray gun from her jacket and pointed it straight at her opponents. "Try it, but I guarantee you that's not going to work."

"Bring it on..." Ray then proceeded to throw a punch towards Doctor Doctor's face, but she moved too quickly for him to land a hit. "W-What the...? How are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" she asked while feigning innocence.

"The super speed! How are you moving so fast?"

"Oh... you mean with _these?_ " She lifted up her pant legs to reveal shiny cherry-red boots adorned with a lightning bolt on the side. "Thanks to reading up on heroes like the Flash, I can now move at the speed of lightning. You think you can catch me? Try it!" She started sprinting away while the U.Z.Z. agents tried to keep up with her and maybe catch her in the process. However, at the speed she was running, it seemed utterly impossible.

After a while, they got onto their skybikes and continued this cat-and-mouse game for quite some time... that is, until they found themselves surrounded on all sides by a swarm of Expendables. They had to think of a way to get out of this situation, and they had to do it soon! A few moments went by before they finally came up with a plan.

"Alright, here's what we're going to do," Ray began. "Victor and Anita are going to start shooting their laser guns at the Expendables in all directions. While they provide a distraction, Kowalski and I will ram at the Expendables from one side and the rest of you from the other. Is that clear?"

"Very clear," Anita responded.

"Alright... _now let's go!_ " With that, he and the other U.Z.Z. agents began to set what would surely be one of their best plans into motion.

With Victor and Anita blasting their guns away at the Expendables, all the other U.Z.Z .agents proceeded to go through and wail on their targets. Ray, for instance, was charging head-first through Expendables 5 through 12 and landing sideways blows on their temples. Meanwhile, Kowalski and Kent mowed through some of the other Expendables like they were nothing and raining powerful Bruce Lee-esque kicks and punches upon them. The rest did their best to use brute force before ultimately knocking them down to the ground. Halfway through the fight, Ray suddenly found himself tackled to the ground and struggling to move.

"Ray!" Victor yelled out.

But his best buddy in the whole world was already lost amongst the sea of henchmen starting to fight back. Ray could hardly breathe from all the Expendables piling onto him and trying to restrain as much as they could. He tried calling out for help, but alas it was too late. He seemingly disappeared just a few seconds later, and the other U.Z.Z. agents had to go on without him.

* * *

"I still can't believe it..." Victor was muttering to himself. "We were doing so well and then we lost Ray..."

"Don't worry, Victor," Anita assured him. "We should be able to get him back soon enough."

"I hope you're right. I don't know how long we could go without him..."

For the next two weeks, they worked to the best of their abilities to get him back while T.H.E.M. worked around the clock on their newest un-invent ray. At one point, when Doctor Doctor demanded ransom money (about £7,128,000 of ransom money to be exact), the U.Z.Z agents decided to forego any possibility of negotiating with them and instead go in with brute force again, hoping that this would help them get one of their special agents back. After a few hours, they managed to succeed with flying colors.


	3. Chapter 3

A week after the rescue, Victor and Anita were in the canteen eating their usual lunches when Kent suddenly approached them with a concerned look plastered on his face.

"Uh, guys," he said. "I think there's something wrong with Ray."

"What are you talking about?" Victor asked curiously.

"Ever since we got him back from T.H.E.M, he's been doing really strange things."

"Like what?"

"Well..." Kent tried his best to remember when it all began. "He keeps mentioning something about a woman trying to kill you or hurt you or whatever she plans to do to you. He keeps saying it's an Italian woman who wants to do this and not Doctor Doctor. He's also always muttering on about some conspiracy to overthrow U.Z.Z. Only question I have is why would an Italian woman want to overthrow U.Z.Z? It doesn't make any sense."

"I'll talk to him about it," Victor assured him. "You think something might've happened to him back at T.H.E.M?"

"Seems like it... a holiday would do him some good."

* * *

A couple days later, Victor and Anita arrived at work, went through the usual processes to get in, and made it to the briefing room where they sat in their usual seats.

"How is everyone today?" Changed Daily. asked cheerfully.

"We're fine," Victor and Anita replied.

"Me too," Professor Professor joined in.

"Fantastic," Changed Daily spoke again. "Now before we begin..." Out of the blue, one of the U.Z.Z. agents came in and handed him a letter. "Hold on... it appears Ray left us a letter." He then cleared his throat and proceeded to read it aloud.

 _Dear U.Z.Z.,_

 _I've decided to take your suggestion and go on holiday to Ireland. Now, since my mental health hasn't been at its best lately, I'm not sure when I'll be coming back or if I will be coming back at all. With that said, I wish everyone the best on their missions._

 _With love,_

 _Special Agent Ray_

"Well, here's hoping he'll feel better soon," Anita said. "But in the meantime, who's going to replace him?"

"That's what I'm wondering," Victor chimed in.

"Well," Professor Professor suddenly began. "We're currently looking at exactly one hundred and thirty-nine candidates to replace him, but out of all of these candidates, only one is rather high on the list. Apparently, his own mother has been pushing for him to replace Ray."

"Who is it, Professor Professor? _Tell us!_ "

"I can't do that, Victor. It's top secret."

" _C'mon_ , Professor Professor," Anita was pleading now. "We want to know who this candidate is."

Professor Professor sighed with reluctance. "Alright, if you must know, it's your ex-boyfriend Alphonse. I'm actually a bit confused by this, to be honest with you. He doesn't seem to have any special training as far as I know, though we have let him come along on a few missions in the past." He could clearly see Victor fuming over this news. "Now Victor, let's not act too rash about this. While he might not exactly be special agent material, he could still be a huge help to us all." He then craned his neck towards the briefing room door. "Alright, Alphonse. You can come in now."

At that exact moment, the door flew open, and a corpulent figure that looked quite familiar emerged from the shadows and into the light.

"Victor!" Alphonse greeted jubilantly. "Anita! Professor Professor! Uh..."

All of a sudden, Dingle Hopper jumped up. "Oh! Well, as you know, for reasons of the tightest security, my name is Changed Daily. Today, you may call me..." His cell phone beeped. "Damn... _Johnny Turbo_." This sent everybody else in the room roaring with laughter.

"Johnny Turbo!" Alphonse greeted again. "It is so good to see you all again! I can't even remember the last time I helped stop the Chef or the Imposters or even T.H.E.M."

"It's good to see you again, too, Alphonse." Johnny Turbo then proceeded to clear his throat. "Now today, we're going to prepare you for your new job by setting you on a test run with Victor and Anita. We've just assigned them to go over to the T.H.E.M. base to take away the new improved un-invent ray before the Expendables can get it working."

"Okay, but what if they've set up traps?"

"Good question," said Professor Professor. "Then I'll have to invent something that can help Victor and Anita detect traps. Now let's go. Schnell! Schnell!"

With that out of the way, Victor and Anita got onto their skybikes with Alphonse having to hitch a ride with the latter and proceeded to fly off towards the T.H.E.M. base. Almost right away, tensions rose between the two men. Victor always hated to be around the Italian sculptor or painter or whatever he was supposed to be. (Anita did say that art took many forms, so maybe he was just an artist.) However, the feeling wasn't mutual on Alphonse's side of things. How the hell he could be so oblivious to that transparent resentment was beyond him. Still, they needed to work together now, even if it felt like hell.

* * *

"We managed to get the new un-invent ray when the Expendables weren't looking, Johnny Turbo," Alphonse announced proudly.

"Good job, Alphonse," Johnny Turbo congratulated. "Who would've thought the three of you would actually work well together?"

"Now I just need to get a good look at the un-invent ray and I'll be on my way." Professor Professor snatched the un-invent ray out of Alphonse's hands and took it back to the lab with him.

Victor and Anita were both staring at each other.

"Hey, Anita?" Victor couldn't help but ask.

"Yes, Victor?" she asked back.

"Am I the only one who finds it weird that out of all the people to replace Ray, Alphonse was the top pick? For God's sake, even his mother had to insist he was a good pick."

"I don't get it, either, but I'm sure Salvatrice had her reasons for doing so. Maybe she saw how much her son has helped us out in the past and just wants him to contribute to U.Z.Z. more often. Besides, we have no other choice but to work with him until Ray comes back... well, if he comes back, that is."

"Speaking of Ray... you think Salvatrice might've been the woman he was talking about? You know, the one he said was going to overthrow U.Z.Z.?"

"Victor, that's ridiculous. What could a nice Italian woman who gave birth to five children possibly have against U.Z.Z. anyway? As far as I know, you haven't even done anything to her to make her want to kill you."

"I guess you're right, but it still confuses me to no end. And another thing: how in the world were we able to get the un-invent ray so easily? I would've thought they'd put up more of a fight than just standing there and letting us kick their butts." It was at that moment that his eyes started to widen. "I'm willing to bet you that the un-invent ray we got was actually a replica, and they've still got the real one somewhere."

"How could you possibly know that, Victor?"

"I don't. That's why I want you to come and help me see what they're really up to."

"Okay, but we better be careful. We don't want to end up like Ray."

"No pressure then."

* * *

Later that night, Victor and Anita got on their skybikes and flew all the way over to the T.H.E.M. base to hopefully gather up some evidence on where the real new un-invent ray could possibly be. After they parked their skybikes behind some bushes in the quietest way they could manage, they then proceeded to head towards the back of the T.H.E.M. base. Just when they were about to sneak in, however, they couldn't help but overhear a rather interesting cellphone conversation between Doctor Doctor and another woman.

"So..." Doctor Doctor was just now beginning to speak. "I hear you were able to convince U.Z.Z. to make your son Special Agent Ray's replacement. Is that true?"

Anita couldn't resist the urge to gasp silently. It couldn't be... Doctor Doctor in cahoots with Alphonse's mother? No way... Without any hesitation whatsoever, she pressed the "record" button on her cellphone and urged Victor to do the same.

"I have to be honest with you, Salvatrice," Doctor Doctor continued. "I didn't think you'd be able to pull it off. Why, if you weren't so concerned with your own life, I'd say you'd make for a very loyal Expendable, indeed. No, Professor Professor hasn't figured out that the un-invent ray he has is fake yet. We'll give him another couple weeks. In the meantime, I've got some special plans for Victor and Anita that will _really_ push them over the edge."

Victor and Anita had heard enough at that point. They went behind the bush, grabbed their skybikes and went back home to get ready for work the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

The next night, they went back to the T.H.E.M. base and continued their investigation. After parking their skybikes behind the bushes, they decided to try and sneak in through the back again. Once inside, they looked around for a bit to see if they could find anything or anybody suspicious. After about an hour of searching, they came up with nothing.

Victor sighed out loud. "I guess nothing's going on tonight."

"But if the real un-invent ray isn't here, then where could they have put it?" Anita couldn't help but ask herself. She then turned to face her partner. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Beats me." All of a sudden, he noticed a trapdoor on the wall that was wide enough for two people to pass through. "Hey, what if it's in there?"

"What if it's in where?" Anita turned her head to see it. "A trapdoor? Let's go in and see what we can find."

They opened the revolving trapdoor and trudged all the way through the claustrophobic hallway. What they found at the end of that hallway was enough to shock them for a dozen lifetimes. There it was, sitting right there in the middle of a wooden table, practically defenseless. But no, the real un-invent ray being out in the open like that wasn't what shocked them. There were papers strewn about everywhere. Most of them were blueprints for the new un-invent ray... but some of them were plans that were far more sinister than the ones they'd come up with before, even more so than their plans for turning people's snot into biological grenades. These were plans to kidnap certain U.Z.Z. agents and put them through such psychological torture that not even seasoned therapists would be able to snap them out of it; plans to tear U.Z.Z. apart with petty dramas; plans to stage a kidnapping and use an U.Z.Z. agent (Victor Volt, to be more specific) as a scapegoat; and worst of all, plans to have him murdered by his own co-workers and have Anita fall back in love with Alphonse after "rescuing" him from his "captors."

"Dear God..." Anita muttered to herself. "Victor, you were right all along..."

"I was? Oh, I mean, yeah... I was." He cleared his throat for a bit after that.

"We need to get out of here before Doctor Doctor comes back and warn the rest of U.Z.Z. about all of this."

But before they could just leave, they suddenly found themselves face-to-face with Doctor Doctor and a small army of Expendables behind her.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Victor Volt and Anita Knight..." Doctor Doctor began.

"W-W-What are you doing back here?" asked Victor with a falter to his voice.

"This." Doctor Doctor pulled out a T.H.E.M. laser gun and started shooting at the two agents in front of her, only to miss every single time. She then ordered the Expendables behind her to start charging at their opponents.

At the first given opportunity, Anita managed to coldcock a couple Expendables in front of her. Meanwhile, Victor tried to lunge at the agile henchmen, but he found himself getting a kick to the head that was so great that it rendered him unconscious for several minutes at most. When he finally woke up, he could see several more Expendables closing in on them.

"Hey, Anita!" Victor yelled out to her. "I've got an idea!"

"Lay it on me, Victor!" Anita yelled back.

"Why don't I take the back and you take the front? That way, one of us can distract the Expendables and one of us finds the exit."

"Sounds risky, but we can do it. You can distract the Expendables and I can find our way out of here. Do we have a plan here?"

"We sure do. Let's go!" Victor started running towards the back end of the secret room. "Hey, guys! I bet you can't catch me!" He then proceeded to stick his tongue out in defiance.

A few seconds later, the Expendables noticed him.

"He knows too much!" one of the Expendables yelled out. "Let's get him!"

Five of the Expendables came running towards their intended target, ready to attack him, but he was too quick for them. When they finally caught up to him, however, he was ready for them. With every punch and every kick, he managed to take down an Expandable that seemed to come his way. While that was going on, Anita took the chaos all around her as an opportunity to finally escape this dungeon. She searched high and low in every nook and cranny for every possible spot that might have another secret door. After a few minutes, she managed to find it tucked away in a corner of the room. Perfect.

"Victor!" Anita yelled while repeatedly pointing towards the secret door with rapid succession. "I found the exit! Let's go!"

They both proceeded to run out of there like they had propellers in their ass. The Expendables were still chasing Victor, but now Doctor Doctor and, to the U.Z.Z. agents' shock, Alphonse were with them.

"Oh my God..." Anita whispered to herself. "You bastards think I'm just going to take this? Think again!" Without even a second thought, she pulled out her laser gun and started shooting at all the other Expendables with each shot hitting them directly in their faces.

Upon seeing this, Doctor Doctor ran over to punch Anita, but flubbed and planted face-first into the ground instead. While Doctor Doctor was distracted and struggling to get back on her feet, the two U.Z.Z. agents finally managed to escape before the chaos could wholly consume them.

* * *

A few hours later, Victor and Anita came to work like they usually did and sat in their designated seats.

"T.H.E.M. has been strangely quiet ever since we retrieved the un-invent ray," Johnny Turbo began. "But no matter. Whatever they might be up to now is a breach in security, and you all know how seriously I take security. And it is for reasons of security that my name is Changed Daily. Today, you may call me..." His cell phone beeped. "Agh! Anaconda Buns..."

Everybody roared with laughter at this.

"Anaconda Buns," Anita spoke up. "Victor and I have evidence that says that Doctor Doctor is conspiring with Alphonse's mother Salvatrice Russo."

Anaconda Buns raised an eyebrow in intrigue. "Really? What do you have for us so far?"

"Well, for starters, we've been doing a little investigating lately and we managed to record some audio of Doctor Doctor talking to someone whom we can only presume is Salvatrice."

"Prove it."

"Alright, Victor, you know what to do."

"You got it, Anita!"

So they both produced their cellphones from their belts and began to play everything they had recorded from beginning to end. (Yes, this included the "plans for Victor and Anita.") Almost everybody in the room gasped afterwards.

"So that's why I couldn't get the un-invent ray to start working," Professor Professor said. "It was a decoy all the time!"

"Yeah, and it gets worse," Victor added. "When Anita and I finally managed to find the real un-invent ray, we just so happened to stumble across the plans Doctor Doctor and Salvatrice were talking about."

"And what kind of plans were they?" Anaconda Buns couldn't help but inquire.

"Well..." Victor was trying to remember what he'd read back at the secret room. "When we found the real un-invent ray, we couldn't help but notice papers everywhere. Some of them were plans to tear U.Z.Z. apart with gaslighting and a fake kidnapping."

"Gaslighting?"

"Yes. Gaslighting. We think that's what happened to Ray."

"I see... tell me more about this... fake kidnapping."

"I'll take it from here," Anita said. "It seemed that this quote-unquote kidnapping involved me having to rescue Alphonse from Victor, who would then serve as a scapegoat for T.H.E.M. to use. That way, while everybody at U.Z.Z. was distracted, T.H.E.M. would get a head-start on using the un-invent ray to take over the world. Well, that and so Salvatrice would get me and Alphonse back together..."

"Oh my God..." Anaconda Buns muttered incredulously. "That might just be the best plan T.H.E.M. has ever come up with! We have to stop them!"

"We better hurry, though," Victor said. "They might've already started trying to use it."

Just as he said this, however, an explosion could be heard a few rooms over.

"Oh no!" Professor Professor yelled. "It's T.H.E.M! They're here!"

"And we're ready for them!" Anita quickly remarked.

She and Victor pulled out their laser guns and ran over to the source as soon as possible. Sure enough, there stood Doctor Doctor and her Expendables, latching onto Alphonse who was cuffed by his hands and feet and had that classic look of fear on his face which was only made complete by his shrunken pupils and labored breathing.

"Ah, Victor Volt and Anita Knight..." Doctor Doctor began. "I didn't think you'd be back to try again. Well, it seems I've found a reason why you should reconsider." She pointed towards the distressed man. "Drop your weapons or the man gets it!"

"Anita!" Alphonse yelled out in desperation. "Please help me! They'll kill us all if you go through with this."

"Alphonse," Anita spoke up. "We know what's going on and it's not what you think."

"You have to stop this!" her ex-boyfriend insisted as he started tearing up. "It's not worth it!"

"No, listen to me. Your mother's been working with Doctor Doctor and is just using you to get rid of Victor!"

"No! I've known her my whole life! She wouldn't do this to anybody, let alone me!"

"Guys!" Victor yelled out now. "We have to stop T.H.E.M. now! Otherwise, things are going to go downhill when they start using the un-invent ray."

"Right," Anita muttered to herself. She pointed her laser gun right at Doctor Doctor's face. "Give it up, Doctor Doctor. We know what you're really up to."

"Oh, I'm so scared!" Doctor Doctor teased in a rather mocking fashion. "But as long as I've got my Expendables and my new and improved un-invent ray, I know everything will be okay. Get them!"

Several Expendables started charging at the two U.Z.Z. agents, but not before back-up agents started arriving on the scene.

"Not so fast!" Kowalski yelled out. "It's time we put a stop to this!"

"Believe me, I'd like to see you try," Doctor Doctor goaded on.

Without any hesitation whatsoever, the self-proclaimed criminal genius clicked the heels of her super-speed boots and started running circles around the back-up U.Z.Z. agents. While she did this, the Expendables continued to charge towards Victor and Anita but with little success. Just like last time, they managed to fight back with lots of kicks and punches that were enough to send the Expendables flying through the air and into the wall. Not long afterwards, the Expendables started getting back up but as they were doing so, Alphonse started trying to run away.

Doctor Doctor looked back and caught a glimpse at the corpulent Italian man. "Oh no, you don't!" she yelled.

"Oh yes, I do!" Alphonse yelled back.

Doctor Doctor started speeding off after him and then, as soon as she caught up to him, pushed Alphonse against the wall with such force that it ripped the metal wall behind him in half, almost as if it was made of rice paper. Meanwhile, the Expendables were still trying to put up a valiant fight but they were overwhelmed by how low their numbers were, making it pretty easy to take them on.

"Give it up, Expendables!" Victor taunted. "You're all outnumbered!"

Just as he said this, however, he couldn't help but notice Doctor Doctor standing over an unconscious Alphonse. He couldn't understand why, but for some reason, his anger rose and made his blood boil. He pulled his sleeves up and started running towards her, ready to beat her to a bloody pulp. But before he could lay a hand on her, Anita and some other U.Z.Z. agents grabbed Victor from behind and tried, to the best of their abilities, to hold him back.

"Victor, Victor," Anita said. "You need to calm down or else you'll end up getting suspended."

"Alright, fine," he grumbled in reluctance. "But it's not over yet."


	5. Chapter 5

Somewhere in Naples, Italy, a middle-aged heavyset peasant woman was tending to her farm animals when she noticed a man parking his skybike from a distance. It was him... Victor Volt. He was the reason her little baby Alphonse wasn't with Anita anymore. Why else would she have left him at the altar? She let a disingenuous smile scroll across her face as soon as he'd made his way over to her.

"Why, hello, Victor!" she greeted as jovially as she possibly could to sound genuine. "What brings you here?"

"Ma'am, I'd like to ask you a few questions," Victor replied in a tranquil manner. "You got a minute?"

"Oh, sure. What kind of questions do you want to ask me, though?"

"Just standard ones. First of all, where were you the night T.H.E.M. attacked and kidnapped Ray Mondo?"

"Why, I was here, of course. I needed to tend to all the chickens and cows and goats on the farm."

"Okay... what did you do _after_ you took care of the animals?"

Salvatrice couldn't bring herself to speak, she was so flabbergasted. _Mio Dio_ , how was she supposed to answer that without giving away her connections to Doctor Doctor and the rest of T.H.E.M.? Without even so much as a second thought, she started sprinting away from Victor and out into the streets.

"Hey!" Victor yelled. "Where are you going? I wasn't finished!" He then started running after her. "After everything you've done over the last few weeks, you're going to get it!"

"Try to catch me, you son of a bitch!" Salvatrice yelled back.

The chase went on for miles and miles on end, only coming to a halt when the other U.Z.Z. agents arrived on the scene to stop her once and for all. Much to Victor's surprise, Ray was also with them, having only recently come back from Ireland.

"We've got you now, Salvatrice Russo!" Ray shouted at her. "You are under arrest for one count of conspiring to kidnap and one count of conspiring to murder. Please do not try to fight back while you are being transported back to U.Z.Z."

"Ray..." Victor hardly knew what to say. "I thought you were..."

"I know, I know," Ray spoke up. "Don't worry. The important thing is, I'm back and this time, I'm here to stay." He turned to one of the other U.Z.Z. agents. "Cuff Salvatrice! Make sure you don't let her out of your sight!"

So Salvatrice was cuffed, brought onto the back of one of the skybikes, and flown over to the U.Z.Z. base where she was to stay until she could go on trial in Old Bailey.

* * *

Once the U.Z.Z. agents brought Salvatrice to the U.Z.Z. base, they led her to the briefing room and proceeded to cuff her to a chair that was completely different from the others until they could figure out what to do with her. A few minutes went by before Anaconda Buns walked into the room.

"So..." Anaconda Buns began. " _This_ is the woman who wanted Victor dead and the rest of U.Z.Z. decimated..."

"Yep," Kowalski piped up. "And we finally got her."

"Alright," Anaconda Buns continued. "Now before we began, I of course need to get my new name of the day. You know the drill... for reasons of security, my name is Changed Daily. Today, you may call me..." His cellphone beeped. "Oh... Truffle Mush Hush."

Everybody proceeded to laugh except for Salvatrice, who only pursed her lips in slight annoyance.

"You want us to tell you the whole story of how we unraveled Salvatrice's plan or just the abridged version?" Anita asked Truffle Mush Hush.

"Well, I've already heard the full version," Truffle Mush Hush replied dismissively. "So why don't you go ahead and tell the abridged version?"

"Alright, if you say so. To make a long story short, Victor and I did some investigating and discovered something far more nefarious and underhanded than we could've ever imagined. And to think, this all started because the woman I thought would be my mother-in-law didn't like how things turned out between me and Alphonse."

"I see..." Truffle Mush Hush squinted his eyes for a bit and mused about the inner workings of Salvatrice's mind for a moment. "Mrs. Russo, do you want to tell your side of the story?"

Salvatrice hesitated slightly before answering him. "What Anita says is true. Yes, I was upset when she and Alphonse broke up and yes, I do resent Victor for that. However, I wasn't about to put together a ridiculous and convoluted plan just because Anita's feelings changed. Besides, why would I want my son to go back to her? He could have any goddamn woman in the world that he wants, so having him go back to that whore makes no goddamn sense!"

Victor's eyes widened at what she just said. How dare she talk about Anita like that? He was about to give her a back-handed slap when Anita stopped him.

"Victor, don't stoop to her level," Anita pleaded with him. "Otherwise, you might get suspended."

"Alright," Victor grumbled to himself. "But only for you."

"Excuse me... Truffle Mush Hush?" Salvatrice spoke up now. "Aren't you going to do something about Victor?"

"Why?" Truffle Mush Hush asked while feigning innocence. "What did he do?"

"He almost slapped me, is what he did!"

"Right, right, we'll talk to him about that later... now where was I? Ah yes, now that I've heard both sides of the story, I have to decide which of you is more credible."

"Oh, for God's sake, just get on with it!" Anita interrupted.

"Order, order!" Truffle Mush Hush yelled. "Don't speak out of turn. Anyway, of the two people standing before me, I believe..." Everyone waited with bated breath for him to give a definitive answer. "...Anita. Sorry, Salvatrice, but what you said about her was totally uncalled for. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take a break."


	6. Chapter 6

A couple days later, the U.Z.Z. agents came into work like they usually did and went on to their duties. Today, however, they were also supposed to check on Salvatrice, whom they'd locked into a holding cell. Victor and Anita decided to do just that before heading off to the briefing room, but what they saw when they arrived traumatized them for life.

Salvatrice's body hung above them by a simplistic noose around the neck, motionless and foreboding, almost as if it was straight out of a horror flick. All the blood in her body had now pooled into her hands and feet, and some purge fluid appeared to be leaking out of her orifices on top of that.

"Oh my God..." Anita murmured in shock. "She did it. She actually did it. She killed herself."

"Does this mean...?" Victor was about to ask before he abruptly stopped to gather his thoughts.

"Yes, Victor. It's over. It's finally over."

The two U.Z.Z. agents then proceeded to leave the holding cell and head straight for the briefing room, where they sat in their usual seats. Truffle Mush Hush couldn't help but notice the looks of horror on their faces, and so he kept quiet for a couple minutes before finally deciding to speak.

"So..." Truffle Mush Hush began. "Judging by your horrified expressions, I'm guessing Salvatrice took her own life, correct?"

Anita solemnly nodded her head.

"Yes, I thought so," he continued. "Now, I'm sure you want some kind of levity to wash that horrible image down. Well, you can have it. For reasons of security, my name is Changed Daily. Today, if you need me for any reason at all, you may call me..." His cellphone beeped. "Oh... Pat Pat the Splatty Rat."

Everybody started laughing.

"Well, I guess that's it," Professor Professor started to speak up. "We never have to worry about Salvatrice trying to get between Victor and Anita ever again and all because she had to go and kill herself. Of course, we're also going to have to say goodbye to Alphonse since we won't be needing him anymore."

"And good riddance!" Victor interjected. "Though I do feel sorry for him... a little bit."

"Let's just hope he'll be okay," Anita said. "I can't imagine what he must be going through."

* * *

It had now been a month since Salvatrice took her own life. All the U.Z.Z. agents were off preparing for new missions and, of course, trying to get through the small conflicts of their lives as quietly as possible. However, there was a new development going on in Victor and Anita's lives that was far from small. Apparently, Anita had been feeling nauseous for quite a while and decided to have it checked out. Once she found out what was happening to her, she then proceeded to call Victor on his cellphone to ask him to meet her over at her house.

"Everything alright?" Victor couldn't help but ask once he got there.

"I... I think so," Anita replied. "There's just one thing I have to tell you. I promise, it's not going to take very long."

"O-Okay, sure. What is it?"

She took a deep breath, looked Victor in the eye and then said, "Victor... I'm pregnant."

"You mean...?"

"Yes, Victor. You're going to be a father. Now I know we've been through a lot over the last several weeks, but I think that we should be able to get through this as a couple, no matter what happens."

Victor gave a faint smile before fainting.

"Oh, Victor..."


End file.
